Under construction

We are all fully aware that are bodies need food to work, we need nutrients to keep us well and to keep our bodies working at their best.  In many exercise articles or magazines they will often refer to food as fuel, which is a great view point because it truly is fuel for the body. In exercise fueling is very important to make sure that all that demands you are asking of your body can be met. It was mentioned to me that when running if all of a sudden everything begins to disturb you, your musics too loud, your clothing is bothering you, the environment is bugging you, if you just start to have an overall bad run, that its your bodies cue that it doesn't have enough fuel and you should give your body what it needs right away because its not going to fix itself. I recognize that our bodies give us cues all the time that it needs this or the other, sometimes it says I need water but we give it food, sometimes it is telling us we need rest and we give it something else, the point is this information I was given just makes sense because God has created our bodies in a way that we can hear and know when our bodies need something. However to truly understand what our bodies need we have to be listening, this same aspect of fueling transfers over into our spiritual lives, God also in His infinite wisdom created us to desire him and when we belong to Him we are able to hear him more clearly. Using that information about the body cues during exercise I can make that cross over into my spiritual walk. If I am out for the day and begin to notice that I am getting agitated easily, that I am getting frustrated at simple things or it just all seems particularly hard, this is a moment when I can step back and look at how my day began. In my spiritual body my fuel comes from reading God's word and talking to God and when my day seems to just be a bit off I can always fuel my spiritual body more with God. God also instructs us how to be with others

Family

We are throughout the Word of God able to see God's intense love for us, his understanding of who we are as people, he loved us so much that He sent his only son to die for us so that we might live forever with him. However another way that I can grasp His love for us and His understanding of us His creation is through family, from the very creation of our existence God understood that we needed family. In Genesis, God created Adam, who had a relationship with His creator, Adam could have conversations with God, and yet God saw that it was not good for man to be alone, and God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep and from him created Eve, thus creating the first husband and wife and at the same time introducing into existence family.

Family while created at its very base by God, it has forever evolved over time. Families that were originally intended to be one thing by the very nature of sin changed.   Because of the original sin we are never able to truly see what God would have done for Adam and Eve, what we see instead is what family became. God required that Eve suffer as she would become a mother, there would be strife and toil in families. If you look at the story of Cain and Abel we see how two brothers who wanted God to favor them fought with each other, when God chooses Abel's gift over Cain's, Cain becomes jealous and angry and kills his own brother. This creates heartache, secrets and hardship. Family is still an institute God created but because of sin families no longer look the way God intended. I believe that God meant for families to be unified, to serve under Him. However as a fallen world too many have decided what family can look like. And while I believe that family isn't always those born into your family but those you choose to be with, I also believe God has a plan for family. And with that I believe as  I look around the world I see that brokenness in families. I see families of divorce, families with single parents, families with same sex parents, abuse in families, drugs and alcohol in families, so much of what I don't believe God ever intended but with sin comes trial, comes consequence, as well as leaving God's way for man's way.  I know that there will be many who say that how can God not want families that love each other even if they aren't the traditional family, I believe God makes concessions but I also believe He has a limitation to that.  I believe that God had an intention for families, and anything outside that intention holds consequences, holds hardship, heartache and more.

Just like in the Garden of Eden, I don't believe it was God's original intention that Adam and Eve suffer for children, I believe He wanted so much more, but from their sin came families that would be born out of a consequence.  That day when we enter into Heaven, when we see Jesus face to face that is the day we will understand His true meaning of family. Until that day the families we have we must continual strive to seek Him, even when we believe we do all the right things we must remember the day that sin entered the world family took on a whole new meaning and strife entered where I don't believe God ever intended it to be. 

247

I can't believe I keep having this conversation over and over again.  I have had so many amazing things enter my life and yet I am still mad that I am fat. I got on the scale last Monday at 249, today I got on and I weighed 247. Yesterday I ran 1.3 miles and I realized how sad it is that I'm here again, that I have to fight so hard to get back under 200 pounds just because I'm so stupid...Why can't I just deal with the feelings of empty stomach for the desire of being healthy. Fitting back into my clothes and not feeling like this. So I'm back to running again, I have to be able to do a little bit more each week until I can average 25 to 30 miles per week.

235

Not supposed to be this way, I am supposed to be closer to my goal but instead I am farther away. I started this journey 5 years ago at 376 pounds and now I sit at 235 pounds, I am supposed to be at 175. I will not surrender and yet I am fully aware that if I don't take back where I am then I will end up back in time. I will end up closer to the 300 mark then I want to. On top of all of this my 40th birthday is in just a little over 2 months, I want to get myself back to the 1's and completely out of the 2's. It's going to require a lot of sacrifice. It's going to require a consistent fight for my new life. I do have this consistent pain in my right leg but I believe it is time for me to stop finding reasons to not do this (which I have plenty of) and find more reasons to do this. My plan is another (yet another) daily blog into this new person I want to be, it is time to be less about me and so much more about what God is looking for out of me. This weight loss journey and exercise journey has been filled with ups and downs and yet I have never conceded, I have yet to give it up. So here goes another chance at success.

230.25

I weighed yesterday and it was hard to see but today its a new beginning!

so frustrated

I feel so fat and uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel a bit alone and like a failure after years of hard work ,running is hard and everything hurts  and I am sad.

12/08/2013
A year has passed and I am understanding that I need to truly find me and to make me more accessible to others and to make myself more available to what I can do for others and not so much about what I want but discovering what I love and what I love about me so that I can share it with others. I really enjoy the church that I'm attending now. I feel like I can get lost in it, meaning I can come and just do and just be a part without feeling like I need to explain me. I am hopeful to find my place in the church and find ways to be more useful to the community.
Reputation is just history in rumor form

How do I

Get to a new place in my life! I have accomplished a lot of things in my life and yet here I sit frustrated with my weight and the inability to get the rest of this ick off my body. I feel fAt ugly and undesirable and for what food!