My BODY!!

Today I was looking at a co-worker and thought, if I lost all my weight and had surgery there is a chance I would have a similar frame to her. It doesn't matter that she can eat anything she wants and stay thin, it doesn't matter that she doesn't have to exercise at all to keep her figure. I just looked at her and kind of sized her up and then wanted to kick myself. When I eat things not on my plan, when I don't get out and exercise, and not just simple exercise but the kind that gets my blood pumping and burns the calories, when I don't drink enough water...it's then that I wish that the images of these people would come to mind. I had an actress in mind a while back that would fit my body type, thin. I won't tell you because you will probably laugh but regardless I saw it and unfortunately until I reach my goal weight and have the excess skin removed I will never know.
The most frustrating part is it is a never ending battle, I like want to get to a point where it all is just easy, where I don't have to think of what to eat that it will just come to mind easily. I struggle every single stinking day to eat right. Right now I want to get below 184, which right now is about 32 pounds, which for someone who has lost 200 pounds should seem so easily achievable but truthfully it feels like I am trying to lose another 200 pounds. I have been caught up with this cold for the past week and a half, first thing in the morning and late at night is the worst, I feel like I can't breathe so I haven't spent anytime exercising. I have given myself until Sunday to get it together, I need to get back to a strict everything, not because I have to but because I want to. There are 6 weeks left in the year, and while I won't get to my goal in that time I can make a huge dent in my weight including getting possibly below 200 pounds, leaving me another 6 months to get to my goal weight by my 40th birthday on June 1st. Sometimes I truthfully want someone with me 24/7 shutting my mouth, I guess I really have to trust God to guide me in this.  There is some vanity to this but more than anything its totally about at least finishing a goal I started (5) years ago this March. It would be great to be 173 by March 2013, then I can literally say I lost 200 pounds in those 5 years. While I will have achieved so much more, to be there would be AWESOME!!