07/31/2012

Two weeks from today I will have finished my college degree in Psychology and will have returned to work at the elementary school that I work for and will be preparing to get my temporary teaching certificate. WOW! That's the only word I know to say, I am amazed at the journey I am on. However here is the point I must bring out. I love Ho Ho's, I love pancakes, I love anything with the word cake, chocolate or cream in it however what I want more than anything is to finish this year at my goal weight of 160-170, that would actually make it way more worth it to say I gave up cakes, chocolates and creams because there was something that was so much greater to me. I know if you know me long enough you know that this goal has been there for awhile, but for the first time I really understand what it means, I understand what it means to not get there, what it means to get so close and what it means to utterly fail and gain back 44 pounds, so here I sit with 30 or less pounds to lose and its my choice now how I let this play out. I can choose to make it matter, I can make my life something more than just what food I can eat next to how can I utilize this new day, this new creation that is my life be lived in a way that is more productive and gives God the glory that He and He alone deserves.

My life, my weight loss, my running is all about giving God glory for turning my life inside out and making it new, making it worthwhile. I am valuable to God, the world may not see me that way but GOD DOES!

Mirror Mirror

Mirror mirror on the wall what do you see? 4 years ago, I looked at the mirror and asked that question, and while my mirror didn't talk back to me like Snow White's evil stepmothers did, I recognized I didn't like what I was looking at. I saw a woman that was sad, angry and frustrated with who she was, I was 370 pounds, divorced raising two kids on my own and completely lost. I lived to go to work, eat and sleep, that was my life in March 2008 before I began my journey to a better me. That day everything changed for me, I didn't like the story the mirror showed me. I had overcome being a widow, living through an abusive marriage and taking care of myself and my kids financially on my own, I had moved into my own place and was taking care of the necessities of life but it wasn't enough. It was time for me to make more changes, I needed to make health a priority, I had to become more than just an existence but to really live. So that day I made some huge changes I became part of a 12 step group for food addiction, found a sponsor and made a determination to do things differently, I surrendered to God, I decided He had to know better than me. Nothing and I mean nothing has been the same since that day 4 years ago.

Mirror Mirror on the wall what do you see? I see a woman who has lost 200 pounds, who has run 3 half marathons, who regularly exercises and runs, who is 4 weeks away from a college degree, 4 weeks away from a 2nd year at an elementary school, I see a woman who has believed that God is all she needs and is the strength to get her through any situation. I see a woman that is for the first time willing to face her fears one by one, a woman to do challenging things including training for a full marathon right before she turns 40 years old. I see a woman that truly believes what Ephesians 3:20 says, that God truly does things that are more than we ever expected.

In 4 years my entire world looks different, I am not only not the same size but the inside is filled with joy, hope and anticipation of what God has next. The journey isn't always easy, but how would I ever know how strong my God is if it was always easy. I have embraced challenges and in the process discovered a woman that I am proud to look in the mirror and see. Because I no longer see me, but Christ who lives in me.

Mirror mirror on the wall, I hope you always see the Stephanie God wants me to be, no less!

Just a 7 mile run

I recognize that for many people running 7 miles whether it's all running or a combination of running and walking, cannot fathom doing so if they haven't done it in a long time. Well my friend found out through a status update that I posted that I was going to be doing a 7 mile run and she volunteered to come out with me. When she came with me the next morning my trainer asked if she had done it before she said no but that she was up for it, when we went out she did great, however at one point to stick to my training routine I had to leave her behind, but I said I will just go up and come back, well on my way up I realized I would have to cross this major street, so instead I made a left instead of crossing over the major intersection. I never looked back to see where she was, if I had I may have realized she was coming up on me faster than I knew, anyway I thought of her for a second and thought oh I can do this quick enough that I won't miss her. I turned around and came back when I had the right amount of distance to  give me the 7 miles. I didn't see her, and as more distance passed going back to where I started I became more nervous about her having gone and crossed the street. I had decided I would just go back to my car as quick as I could to get her. Eventually as I was running back I could hear her come up from behind me. She did exactly what I was afraid of, she went over the major intersection and kept going for a while until she realized that there was no way I was that far ahead of her, so she turned around. For both of us we recognized we lost our partner and while we both just did what was the important thing to do, go back to where we started so we could look for the other, it was a scary moment to realize you don't know where your partner is. This is important in the Christian race I run too, it is important to know where my brothers and sisters are, is there ways to keep them on the path, to stay beside them, however if I need to go ahead for awhile to know where the other is, but most important to run back to the source Jesus, who will help locate and reconcile those to him that get lost. I learned a valuable lesson out there that day and I truly didn't like that feeling.